Kerry’s 100 Miles That Matter in as many days

Kerry is working her way through a '100 miles in 100 days' challenge for the Miscarriage Association's Miles That Matter fundraiser. Here, she explains why she decided to take part.

It may be common, but that doesn’t change the impact this can have on your mental health and relationships.

I came across the Miles That Matter challenge and I took the brave decision to share my story and raise money for the Miscarriage Association.

I found the M.A after years of trying to start our family and after being faced with an unexpected and undiagnosed ectopic pregnancy closely followed by a miscarriage, these two experiences took me into the depths of a depression which I couldn’t understand, this continues to be extremely isolating.

My husband and I are now building ourselves up to start the new journey called IVF. Nothing about the last nearly 5 years was expected, there was no way to prepare for it and it hit us like a tonne of bricks, which hurt a lot!

The M.A. is a great support for anyone experiencing a miscarriage. It’s a platform where you can gain information, read other people’s stories and their feelings as a result of miscarriage, which trust me, allows you to feel normal about all the feelings you are constantly punishing yourself for. They have a helpline and their brochures go into great detail on all types of pregnancy loss, management of miscarriage at your workplace, advice for family, friends and most importantly yourself and your partner.

The M.A. is priceless and it is so important that more people know about it and that people talk more to normalise miscarriage. YES it’s common, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told this by doctors, nurses, family and friends. It may be common, but that doesn’t change the impact this can have on your mental health and relationships. People who experience miscarriage can then be faced with PTSD, which if not acknowledged can lead on to a deep depression and self-destruction. From my experience, unfortunately, I had no support or acknowledgement from the hospital or doctors, even when I broke down and said I was suffering, I got told it was normal and to go on a holiday and not to stress or try to control the situation. This only fuelled the decline in my mental health.

At the start here, I said I made a brave decision to speak about my story and that is because it’s scary for people to know what I am going through. This is simply because I haven’t yet got my happy ending, a baby. With this being said, I think it’s very important that people can read of people still going through this pain, as the bottom line is there is no guarantee that the desired result will be reached and this is something we all have to learn to accept and adapt to live with, which isn’t an easy task.

People must know that this journey does not need to be done alone and in isolation, we need more communities and organisations available for the much needed support and if I can help in any way I will. I hope sharing my story will help. I wasn’t lucky enough to live in an area where a physical support group was available, but if we support organisations such as the Miscarriage Association I hope that eventually wherever you live and whoever you are, support will be easily found, and also given from the start.