Marking your loss
After a miscarriage, you may want to find some special way of remembering your baby and marking the loss of his or her brief life.
On this page we tell you about
- our online memorial spaces
- ceremonies and services
- a certificate
- a memory box
- other suggestions and events
Online memorial spaces
Our Stars of remembrance section offers a special place to mark the brief lives of babies who died before they were born, with messages attached to stars in the night sky. We are now adding stars to the Stars of remembrance (Sky 3) but you can still visit those in Sky 1 and Sky 2.
Our former memorial spaces have been archived and can be accessed below:
Days that Matter offers a space to post your thoughts and feelings, together with an image and perhaps a pledge or action.
Ceremonies and services
You may want to hold some kind of ceremony or memorial service. This might be in your place of worship, in another place that’s special to you or at home. It could be just for close friends and family or just you and your partner. During the coronavirus pandemic, many organised or even private events have been cancelled or delayed, or numbers reduced until after social distancing is no longer needed.
Erin and her partner created a special place in their garden for their miscarried baby.
Some hospitals organise annual services of remembrance for babies who have died in pregnancy, at birth or later. The hospital chaplain will be able to tell you.
There are Christian remembrance services that take place in a number of cathedrals across the UK throughout the year. And you can find Christian prayers and liturgies on the Saltwater and Honey website.
You might also find comfort in the Japanese Jizo concept, described here.
Sadly, there is no official registration of babies lost before 24 weeks of pregnancy. But some hospitals will give you a certificate in memory of your baby if you ask. If they don’t offer it, you can ask:
- a nurse or midwife on the ward
- the hospital chaplain
- the bereavement office
We can provide information and guidance for hospitals wanting to provide a certificate, which you can find here.
A memory box
Some hospitals and organisations offer a memory box, perhaps with a certificate, scan photo or other items, like the one shown here.
If you are not offered one, you might like to do an internet search for ‘miscarriage memory boxes’, where you’ll see those available either free or for purchase.
Here are some ideas from others who have found them helpful:
- Make an entry for your baby in the hospital’s book of remembrance. The hospital chaplain will be able to arrange this
- Plant flowers, a shrub or tree in your garden or in a local garden of remembrance.
I sowed Viola Heartsease seeds all on their own in a pot and when they flowered, they were so small and perfect – a fitting reminder of my losses.
- Light a candle on anniversaries and other special days, such as your due date or during the Wave of Light on Babyloss Awareness Day, 15 October. This candle has been produced especially for anyone who has experienced pregnancy loss and sales also support the Miscarriage Association.
- Buy something special in memory of your baby, such as a piece of jewellery (a selection of jewellery here also supports the Miscarriage Association).
- Write a letter or poem for your baby and perhaps keep it in a memory box. We share some letters at the bottom of this page.
- Make a donation to a favourite charity or do some fundraising.
I ran the London Marathon for the Miscarriage Association. I felt it would be a fitting way to honour my baby, whilst helping a charity which had a special significance for me.
Chris’s running vest includes hundreds of tiny stars, each one added in memory of many other people’s babies lost in pregnancy – just as his wife Nicky’s skirt did the year before.
Or not marking your loss
Don’t feel that you have to do something to mark your loss. You may feel it will make things worse or it may just not feel right for you. There are no right or wrong ways to deal with pregnancy loss.