Aislinn and Ericka take on Edinburgh
Members of our Edinburgh support group, Aislinn and Ericka ran the Edinburgh 10k to give something back.
As much as family and friends try to help, they want you fixed and all I wanted to do was talk about what happened.
In 2012 I found out I was pregnant for the first time. For 5 days I thought about the baby as real, as my son or daughter, and planned and prepared.. and then it was all taken away from me.
In all the bereavement I have experienced, this was in a league of its own. It’s a death you feel you should not or cannot talk about with people for so many reasons. Many of these are so other people don’t get uncomfortable.
All I wanted to do was talk about it and acknowledge that my baby died. That opportunity was given to me when I called the M.A.. I didn’t know where to start when I called Nicky but she asked questions and I talked and vented and cried and felt so much better.
The Edinburgh support group was a god-send – to hear people talk and know that what I was feeling and thinking was not wrong or mad or bad. I met Ericka there and she has been such a support to me since.
I sadly had a second miscarriage in 2015 and feel that all I learned about myself from the first time around meant I was able to manage the experience differently. I knew I could get my baby back from the hospital after surgery and I could have a funeral and cremation and I got my baby’s ashes. Nicky helped prepare me as to what to expect in hospital too, which really helped. I grieved again, and continue to grieve openly and continue to voice the fact that I’ve experienced miscarriage in the hope that I can raise awareness and lessen the taboo and silence around it.
In 2016 I had my second son and know that I am so so lucky to have completed my family, and so wanted to give back to the M.A. for all their help. Training for the 10km was a challenge but so rewarding as I saw our target being reached and then doubled!
When I lost my baby at ten and a half weeks, I fell apart.
I have never dismissed miscarriage at any stage of pregnancy and always viewed it as heartbreaking and the loss of a baby. However, when faced with the devastation and the emptiness you feel when your baby is gone, there is not anything that could have prepared me for that. I was broken and the grief was paralysing.
I cried continuously for about two weeks and my sister sent me the number for the Miscarriage Association. It took me a while to call as I just cried all the time. As much as family and friends try to help, they want you fixed and all I wanted to do was talk about what happened. To finally talk to someone who asked questions was amazing.
I then got the number for Nicky in our Edinburgh branch. That was one of the best conversations I had, then going to that meeting. Suddenly I was no longer lonely or evil or crazy. The amazing and brave women there felt just like I did. At that meeting I met an incredible woman called Aislinn and we exchanged numbers. Without her I would not have survived the following months.
I met Ash through this incredible charity. It was Ash who organised this 10k and I am delighted she did and so happy to give something back to a great charity which helped me so very much.