Losing a baby after fertility problems, or having trouble getting pregnant again after a loss, can feel impossible to deal with.
Pregnancy loss and infertility can each be devastating on their own. But when you are going through both, that double blow can be desperately hard to bear.
Pregnancy loss after fertility problems
You may have conceived after many years of trying and/or fertility treatment, and then miscarried or had an ectopic or molar pregnancy. You may feel that this is even worse than not conceiving, as the joy of becoming pregnant was followed by the distress of loss.
People around you may encourage you to be positive that you were able to become pregnant, but that may be little comfort if you think you might not have that chance again.
I just kept thinking ‘why me?’. Miscarriage is awful for anyone but it was so much worse for us because we’d waited so long to get pregnant in the first place and I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to conceive again.
Fertility problems after pregnancy loss
You might be facing fertility problems after ectopic pregnancy. You may have had one or both tubes removed, or been told that the chances of conceiving naturally are low. You may have been trying to conceive after a previous loss or losses, but a year or more has gone by with no luck.
It had been so easy the first time round that I never expected to find I couldn’t get pregnant again.
The coronavirus pandemic is curently having an impact on fertility services. Fertility clinics are not starting new treatments as staff and resources are needed elsewhere during this unprecedented healthcare crisis. There will also be delays to tests. If appointments do go ahead, they are likely to be on the telephone or by video link to reduce any risk to both patients and staff. It can be really hard to cope with these delays, especially if you’ve also been through pregnancy loss.
This video from the Chair of the British Fertility Counselling Association might help a little at this tough time.
Sharing your experience and getting support
If you are facing this double burden of pregnancy loss and fertility problems, it’s important to know that you are not alone and that you can find support from others who understand.
You may find it helpful to read our leaflet about pregnancy loss and infertility. It contains information about the causes of pregnancy loss and the experience of infertility, as well as comments from women who have been through this experience.
You can read Jessica’s story, as well as those of other women and partners who have been affected by loss after assisted conception. Helen wrote a poem after losing her baby, conceived naturally after four failed IVF attempts. The blog Faith, Fertility and Me contains a powerful and moving spoken word poem, ‘Little Lentil’, which you can also find on YouTube. And Nilufa shares her pain of infertility and recurrent miscarriage.
You might also want to visit our forum, where you can share your thoughts and feelings with others who have been through the double burden of pregnancy loss and infertility problems. We also describe our sources of help here.
You don’t have to go through this alone.