Andrea’s story

Andrea writes about her two miscarriages and the comments from her colleagues when she returned to work.

I like it when people are honest and tell me they don’t know what to say. That then makes two of us.

Maybe when things have settled we will try again, but it’s heart breaking going through this and I’m really not sure if I could handle it again. The first miscarriage we kept to ourselves as we didn’t want to involve many people. My partner and I dealt with it together, and we had a young toddler to keep us occupied. The second one is really recent and more people know.

The nature of my job as a Pharmacy Technician meant I had to let people know earlier that I was expecting. It was my partner’s first child so he was really excited, telling family and friends. I was happy to let people know early because I felt the more people who knew the more they would be able to support me, but now, with everything that has happened, it has made it more difficult.

I was coming up to seven weeks when I started spotting. We went to hospital for a scan where they could see a sac was in place. A few days later we had another scan and was told the sac had got smaller. We decided to let everything pass naturally but two weeks later nothing had happened. In the end, I had medical management. Still nothing, so I was booked in for surgery. Then, before the operation took place it finally happened. The hospital staff were wonderful but when they say they will phone you on this date they never do. Three times I had to call after having the tablets inserted. I didn’t know what to do and ended up going in to hospital to try and get someone to see me. Then, when I was told I needed to wait two weeks for the operation.

The care I received the first time was totally different. I had gone for a routine scan at eight or nine weeks. I wasn’t given any options and was just told to come back the following day for surgery. It felt much more straightforward.

I have only recently gone back to work. My colleagues just didn’t know what to say. However, a number of people approached me to say that it has happened to them. It sadly is so common. I don’t like it though when people tell me they know how I feel. I just think, you don’t know anything about how I feel. How I feel is totally unique to me.

I like it when people are honest and tell me they don’t know what to say. That then makes two of us. The silence is hard. I had a couple of people who said they have not been in touch because they didn’t know what to say. So, they just left it. It made me feel quite isolated.

Andrea