TTC
Let’s try for a baby
TTC
Checking the dates and the BBT
Every month BD BD
Always looking for that BFP
One month
Two months
Three months
Four
Friends getting pregnant
More and more
Hospitals and blood tests and sperm in a pot
Speculums and rubber gloves can never be forgot
Results and results and great there’s nothing wrong!
So how can this really be taking so long?
Relax and relax and do some yogic breathing
Maybe next month we finally won’t be grieving
Five months
Six months
Seven months
Eight
Is my period really one day late?
False alarm, false alarm, open up the gin
Throw the 15th Clear Blue test straight into the bin
Nine months
Ten months
Eleven months
More
And then all of a sudden
My chest is really sore
Nipples to hang your hat on
False alarm once more?
Test and test and test once more for luck
There are two little lines. Fuck, fuck, fuck!
Is it finally really happening to me?
Do I really have my BFP?
Tears and sobbing and gasping for breath
Yes and yes and yes and yes
Quitting all the caffeine
Quitting all the booze
Fantasies of tiny feet running in tiny shoes
Organic shower gel
Natural toothpaste
All the things to keep it strong bought such a great haste
One week
Two weeks
Three weeks
Four
Sickness strikes and I want more
Five weeks
Six weeks
Seven weeks
Eight
Early scan we can’t be late
Teeny tiny baby
Strong heartbeat
Wonderful beautiful little webbed feet
Nine weeks
Stop
Blood
It’s ok
No
Back to the waiting room
Dirty leather seats
Keep holding tight to those tiny webbed feet
Screen turns away and the lady shakes her head
I’m sorry to tell you it’s bad news, she said
Shaking and sobbing on a plastic bed
Feeling so numb I may as well be dead
Then hospitals and speculums and more rubber gloves
And watching the toilet take something I love
Back on our own again
Having another try
The only thing I ask myself… is why?
Your Facebook photos hurt me
Cut like a knife
Happy faces
Small round cheeks
Making me weak
No escape
Baby on board
Give up your seat! She needs it more!
Out of the club and straight back to square one
I wonder if I’ll ever get to be called Mum
By Holly