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The Stolen “I”

 

There’s an immense sadness that I just can’t shake.

Gripping and dragging me through cracks of its quake.

If I think of how I was before this had been;

I’m not sure I could show you ever again.

From it, I know, I am no longer me.

A mere shadow, an image; of what I used to be.

Please look, really look into my eyes.

Please don’t smile. You know it’s no surprise.

And what you do know is you’re not quite sure what to do.

This has never been nor could even be a reality for you.

You stop and you think in awe how heart wrenching it had to be.

Then you wince and look away. You don’t want to think of this; of me.

So I stand still while you smile right in my face.

I stand still and let you live in your happy place.

Just once though, please look. Acknowledge me in here.

And know that if you stopped loving me; that is my biggest fear.

 

And how could you? And how could I?

When all I do in here is plead and cry.

I don’t recognize what I’ve become or where I will go.

And what’s it all mean if we reap what we sow?

Perhaps am I deserving? Did I cause such distress?

Am I paying in this hell? An eternal karma mess?

And do you then see when you take a brief glance,

I may not be worth giving that umpteenth chance.

When I say “I”, I don’t recognize  who “I” was.

So, sorry you’ve lost her; but don’t let me pause:

I have to say this with affirmation so thick

That you know that you don’t need to ponder or pick.

There’s no choice. No options. No waiting for her back.

I’m fairly certain that this “I” will always lack.

What I was, what I thought, what you thought I could be.

So don’t watch and stare; don’t wait for ‘old me’.

She’s gone. She’s passed on too. You can only wish her so.

But if you’re looking here, you’ll have to let it go.

That sadness has taken every nuance of her that was real.

All hope. All Joy. All the expectations, did it steal.

 

Elizabeth Yarbrough

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