Mya’s story: support from the Miscarriage Association
Mya shares her experience of finding support via the Miscarriage Association helpline and support groups, following a miscarriage and during pregnancy after loss.
The Miscarriage Association proved to be a lifeline for me... [They have] covered all avenues to be able to offer support.
I went to the Early Pregnancy Unit for an early ultrasound scan at 7 weeks, then miscarried painfully at home a week later.
I had already visited a couple of weeks before that for a scan because I was having continuous brown discharge, and at that point they had confirmed a yolk sac and a fetal pole. They said my blood tests showed no reason for concern and everything was measuring exactly as it should for that point in my pregnancy. They did an abdominal ultrasound as well as a transvaginal ultrasound and said they could see everything as clear as day. No one had any explanation for the discharge, I was just told that some women have bleeding, or that it could be implantation bleeding – although the dates didn’t add up for it to be implantation bleeding.
At the 7 week scan, it was a different story. They tried both ultrasound methods but couldn’t see anything on the screen apart from red blotches. They said I had some bleeding inside. Their final words to me were, “I’m sorry, the pregnancy hasn’t progressed.”
Looking back, I feel like this was a very callous way to say things as they avoided the term ‘miscarriage’. They were speaking in riddles in my mind. I would have preferred for them to say that a miscarriage was impending so I knew what to expect.
I felt like a fool for believing that I could become pregnant naturally after just 4 months of trying, due to being diagnosed with PCOS. Women with PCOS generally find it harder to conceive and are at a higher risk of experiencing a miscarriage than others.
After my scan, I was told to wait in a side room and that someone would come and talk to me. My partner and I were both devastated and just wanted some privacy to express our grief. We were left waiting for nearly half an hour and ended up leaving in the end. It felt like we were ignored and didn’t matter. Once home, I bawled into my partner’s arms and cried my heart out.
I had a follow up call from the Early Pregnancy Unit, but then had to do some research online to find some support services as they didn’t signpost to any. They also didn’t prepare me for the unbearable pain I would feel from the natural method of miscarriage.
The Miscarriage Association proved to be a lifeline for me. The helpline provided a friendly voice at the end of the line that I could rely on to just be there to listen and understand without any judgement. I called them nearly every day, to the point where each of the support staff knew my story in full.
I tried their support groups on Zoom as well, as another form of support, but found it a bit triggering at times so I stuck to calling the helpline. However, it did make me realise that I was further along with dealing with my grief than others at the support group and I took strength in acknowledging that.
There were so many nights where I cried myself to sleep after putting on a happy face all day. Attending social gatherings with mothers and their children present, would make me cry to myself later. Thoughts of me never becoming a mother just played on my mind. I recognise that I could not have got through it without the Miscarriage Association’s support.
I am truly blessed to say that I am now pregnant again with my rainbow baby, so I no longer need to call the helpline. However, I will be joining their Pregnant After Loss support group on Zoom to help me through my pregnancy journey. Once you suffer a miscarriage, it takes away your innocence and naivety surrounding pregnancy and heightens your awareness of every little thing that could possibly go wrong.
The Miscarriage Association has covered all avenues to be able to offer support. They have a helpline, email support, Facebook groups, support groups and webchat. Pregnancy is an isolating experience in itself even without experiencing a miscarriage, but the Miscarriage Association gives you a voice and offers that much needed support. They deserve to be recognised for the invaluable support that they provide to many others like me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I will forever be grateful.