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My little angel

In Babyloss Awareness Week, a year after her loss, Lilla reminds us that fathers can suffer just as much as mothers and that it is important to care for them and the relationship too.

We had to say goodbye too early, even before we could say hello. I understand it now baby… I understand it all. You are too precious for this earth, and my arms weren’t strong enough to protect you.

My Little Angel,

Me and your dad decided to go separate ways – because the pain tears us apart.

I miss you. And I know your daddy misses you too – but he’s brave and strong – always has been. Strong enough to carry me when I had no strength, to stay up all night and hold me when I could get no rest from the pain and tears. He is an amazing man. He gave me everything when I needed the most. Gave me so much love and care that it slowly ran out, with nothing left for when I felt better. He sacrificed so much for me. His own peace, sleepless nights, long, tearful hours. He’s been strong for the both of us. And I know you will always be in his heart – just as much as in mine. Resting.

We had to say goodbye too early, even before we could say hello. I understand it now baby… I understand it all. You are too precious for this earth, and my arms weren’t strong enough to protect you. I thought I was left with nothing. Everything I had got lost in the bitterness. Every day was a struggle. It was hard to wake up, to walk, to think, to breathe… But it did get easier with time. I had to accept, and understand, and first of all, I had to realise that I do have something left! The memories of being your mum, even if only a very short time.

It has been a year since we had to say goodbye, but I think about you every single day. I couldn’t have you in my arms – I have you in my heart instead. And that will never change.

Love, Mum