Mabel shares her difficult feelings after experiencing a miscarriage when she was 19 and didn't know she was pregnant.
I was 19 when I had my first miscarriage... I feel like I should be okay because I didn’t know about the pregnancy and I didn’t have any attachment to it, but my emotions say otherwise.
I was 19 when I had my first miscarriage. I had moved to London almost a year before and didn’t have any family or people I could really rely on.
I didn’t know I was pregnant beforehand but I suspected that something was wrong. My period had been late by almost two months and I had some spotting in between. I kept telling myself that I would buy a pregnancy test but I kept holding it off because I was too scared to see the result.
One night I was catching up with a friend. I noticed that I felt very wet. When I got up there was a huge puddle of blood in the spot I was sitting and I had bled through my jeans. My friend freaked out and started asking me if I was okay. I was in complete shock. I told him I didn’t know what was happening as I rushed to the bathroom to get into the shower, but my intuition told me it was a miscarriage.
As I stood in the shower, horrible cramps ran through my body. I soon noticed that there were multiple clots on the shower floor. The bleeding wouldn’t stop no matter what and I started to cry. This had never happened to me before.
My friend checked in on me when I was in the shower. He asked me what I wanted to do and I said I wanted to go home. He offered to get me a cab back to my place but I insisted on walking.
As I started walking home the pain became unbearable. I stood on the pavement and cried even more. I didn’t know who to call or what to do and just continued to walk home.
I can’t imagine the pain other women suffer when they have miscarriages, because mine was unknown and definitely not anticipated.
I feel like I should be okay because I didn’t know about the pregnancy and I didn’t have any attachment to it, but my emotions say otherwise.