Lucy’s story
Lucy shares her story of finding out she had a blighted ovum at her 12 week scan. She describes the shock of being told and her feelings afterwards.
I was told I had a blighted ovum, something I had never heard of before... I didn’t know how to feel because I felt I wasn’t allowed to be upset.
I woke up feeling it was time to take a pregnancy test. My fiancé and I had had a tough year with Covid, having to delay our wedding twice. Taking this test was so exciting and nerve wracking all at the same time. When that stick came back saying ‘pregnant’ I ran around crying and laughing with excitement. I went on to do a second, just to see the two perfect lines appear again.
I had to wait all day to tell my partner and I was shaking with excitement. The glow and joy on his face when he came home and I told him the news will always stay with me. We were both overjoyed and couldn’t wait to share the news with our immediate family.
For the first couple of weeks I spent a lot of time worrying and not getting my hopes up, just in case anything went wrong. But as the weeks went past and I had some occasional sickness, sore boobs, cravings etc. I got more confident in the fact everything was going well. I was then so excited to book my 12 week scan! I just couldn’t wait until I could finally shout it from the rooftops and show everyone this little baby growing inside me.
The weekend before our 12 week scan I went to bed and saw some spotting. I panicked and rang my mum who reassured me this could be something normal. I spoke to friends who also said this could be something that was nothing to worry about.
As the following day proceeded, I felt like something wasn’t quite right so I rang the community nurse. I got told to ‘just wait and see what happens’, which I found quite difficult to hear. I know I was only 12 weeks, but this was still my baby and I wanted to know everything was okay. Taking the advice from them and others, I decided to just stay calm and positive.
The following day though, while experiencing some more spotting, I decided to ring and get my 12 week scan brought forward by 2 days. Driving to that scan with the nerves shaking in my bones, knowing I was possibly going to see that my baby was absolutely fine was keeping me going. I lay on the bed and they proceeded to run the scan across my little bump. I stared at the screen and… nothing. I couldn’t see anything. I asked her, ‘Why cant I see anything?’, she told me it may just be the angle so needed to do an internal scan.
I knew, of course I knew. I knew what I should be able to see. Then that was it, hearing those words ‘I’m so sorry’ will haunt me for days, months and years to come. I hysterically cried out to her ‘What has happened? Where is my baby? Why can’t I see anything?’. That is when I was told I had a blighted ovum, something I had never heard of before.
As the days followed it was the hardest time of my life. On the Wednesday when I was initially meant to have my scan, I had the medication to help encourage the miscarriage. A few days later my body had recovered, but mentally I had a long way to go.
I didn’t know how to feel because I felt I wasn’t allowed to be upset. Technically I didn’t have a baby growing, but in my mind I had spent 2 months thinking I did. I felt embarrassed that I was so excited about the baby, sharing all my thoughts and stories with friends and family only to realise there was nothing there. I have the most incredible family, friends and fiancé, who have been nothing but supportive, loving and kind (even through a pandemic), but I couldn’t shake this feeling. I wanted to crawl into a ball and not see anyone until it was over.
It’s now time for me and my fiancé to start trying again and I am terrified. I’m scared this will happen to me again. I’m scared to have a scan or to see a positive test again. I want a baby and want to stay positive I will have one one day and that is all you can do isn’t it, be positive.
I know it wasn’t my fault but it scares me how common this is in women. I want to share my story with other women who have had a blighted ovum so they know how they are feeling is completely natural. I want to say to you, whoever is reading this, I am so sorry you are going through a miscarriage.