Lucy shares her experience of having 3 miscarriages before having twins.
My world came crashing down... I found out I was having a silent miscarriage. I did not know what this meant and when they explained it I just felt numb.
I had a very difficult fertility journey trying for a baby with my partner.
When I finally fell pregnant for the first time I was so excited, but nervous at the same time. When I got to 11 weeks, my world came crashing down. I had a scan due to some complications, and I found out I was having a silent miscarriage. I did not know what this meant and when they explained it I just felt numb.
They told me that I had lost the baby at 6 weeks but that my body would not reject it, so I ended up having a ERPC (surgical management) procedure. I will never forget that day. Afterwards, I was put into a room where there were women who were pregnant or had just had their babies. My heart just felt like it was broken and would never be the same again.
After my procedure I was very sad on some days, then positive on others. Myself and my partner agreed to rest for a few months, and then try again.
Around 4 months later, I fell pregnant again and I was so nervous. Unfortunately, 10 weeks into the pregnancy, I miscarried again and had to have another ERPC. I was very frustrated and blaming myself a lot. I thought of all the ‘what ifs’, but I had to accept it was all out of my control.
I wasn’t feeling in a very good place, so I decided to go private to see a fertility consultant. He said I was young and that it would happen in time. He carried out blood tests and they all came back normal. At this point, I was thinking ‘why is this happening to me?’. A few of my friends were falling pregnant, but I wasn’t getting past 12 weeks. Why couldn’t I carry my babies?
I wanted a baby so much. We kept trying and fell pregnant 6 months later. But I miscarried again, at around 4 weeks. So I gave up. I thought, ‘maybe I’m just not meant to be a mother right now’. I did look into fostering or adoption, but I knew this was a big step not to be rushed.
As I had now had 3 miscarriages, I was finally able to see a fertility consultant on the NHS. But I felt like it was a waste of time, as all they told me was that I was stressed, young and that it was just down to luck. I felt a bit fobbed off. So I deleted all the apps I had on my phone to do with conception and thought, ‘right, let’s just take a long break from trying, stay off contraception and then see what happens’.
My partner and I booked a week away to try to relax. We went to Majorca, enjoyed the sunshine, chilled on the beach with some cocktails and enjoyed ourselves.
I was still thinking ‘why am I not able to have the little family I have always dreamed about?’. Then a few weeks after our holiday I thought about when my last period was – I was so many days late my mind went crazy and I was feeling extremely emotional. It was a Saturday morning and I thought ‘I’m in the house on my own, my partner is away working – let’s do a test’.
I didn’t want to look at the test in case I was disappointed that I wasn’t pregnant, or nervous if I was! I looked and there were 2 lines! I put my hand to my mouth. I was so shocked. I just felt so different this time, in a positive way.
When I told my other half he was happy, but also nervous. We agreed that we were in this together and to think positively. I had a scan at 8 weeks and the sonographer said there was a baby and a heartbeat! I was over the moon to even hear him say that there was a heartbeat. Myself and Kyle just smiled, and couldn’t stop smiling. Then the sonographer went quiet, and I asked if everything was okay. He asked if he could do an internal scan, only to find there was another baby and a heartbeat. I was over the moon – to find out I was having TWINS felt like a miracle!
It felt very strange to have all this happiness and to feel overwhelmed at the same time. I thought having twins skipped a generation as I am a twin myself, but later on the consultant said that was a myth. Telling my mam and dad the amazing news was the best day ever. They were having their first grandchildren – twins! In January 2020 I had a secret gender reveal and found out I was having 2 boys.
I ended up having them 10 weeks early, on April 29th, as my waters broke at 31 weeks. I had a terrible birth, but they are here safe and healthy that is the main thing.
My life is complete. Two babies is all I’ve ever wanted, and I’ve had them in one. They are my world. Their names are Lawson and Logan, and they are 2 years old as I write this.
I really hope I can help others with their journey. I love sharing my story as it was very difficult, and I did doubt myself, but I never gave up! Always have some faith.