After the third of her six losses, Lara was left with PTSD. Counselling helped her begin to heal.
My counsellor reassured me that I was allowed to feel sad, I was allowed to feel bitter, I didn't have to be OK. I could hate the world for as long as I wanted, because my world had just been ripped in two.
My third miscarriage was a missed miscarriage, meaning the baby had stopped growing but my body hadn’t wanted to let it go.
I found out at around 12 weeks pregnant. What was supposed to be the happiest day of my pregnancy quickly turned into the worst day of my life.
In total I had six miscarriages, all of them awful but this one is the one that will always stick in my mind as the one that finally broke me.
I had decided to get genetic testing on this pregnancy. To do this I had to have a procedure to remove the embryo surgically. That experience has left me with PTSD, due to a huge feeling of venerability and grief. I was there having my baby removed from me, when in reality that was the last thing in the world I wanted.
I now struggle with gynaecological examinations – the feeling of helplessness comes flooding back to me at the very thought of it.
I sought counselling a few weeks after my miscarriage, as I needed to talk to someone who could be neutral to the situation. My friends and family had all been incredible, but they had also gone through the experience with me and didn’t really know what to say to me.
Also, I needed to talk to someone I could be 100% honest with, without the risk of feeling guilty. I was really struggling with hearing people say the things they thought I wanted to hear: ‘It was for the best ‘, ‘ It’s common’ – upbeat positive messages along those lines. They are in fact the worst things you can say to anyone who is going through a loss.
When I spoke to my counsellor she reassured me that I was allowed to feel sad, I was allowed to feel bitter, I didn’t have to be OK. I could hate the world for as long as I wanted, because my world had just been ripped in two.
Once I had heard these words, everything just started to fall into place. I finally knew how to talk to my family. I could tell them what I needed to hear, instead of getting angry when they tried to make me feel better. I felt a sense of relief when they agreed with me that the situation wasn’t fair and in that moment was awful. It made my feelings feel justified.
I still struggle with my PTSD, but with the help of the advice I got from my counsellor, I’m slowly overcoming my anxiety. It won’t get better overnight but seeking help at the times you most need it will help you heal slowly and at your own pace.