Julie talks about her experience of having two miscarriages within 6 months, one of which happened during the coronavirus pandemic. If you're looking for more information about the impact of coronavirus on your care please have a look at the link at the bottom of this page.
I felt so empty afterwards but pushed myself to carry on. When I think back to it now, I think I was too hard on myself and should have let myself heal, but I just wanted to feel better.
I had two miscarriages within six months. They were very different experiences, but just as heart breaking each time.
My first miscarriage was in November 2019, and I was 11+5. I had some light bleeding and was advised to attend the EPAU for a check-up. I remember feeling nervous, but everyone I had spoken to had been so reassuring that I still had a glimmer of hope that everything would be fine.
However, when I had a scan it was confirmed that I had experienced a missed miscarriage and the baby had died a few weeks previous. My husband and I were devastated and went home clutching a handful of leaflets in a bubble of grief. We spent a long time talking about my options and the following day agreed that it would be best to have the operation as we already had a 14-month-old and I just wanted to get back to “normal” again.
The surgery was arranged, and it was an anxious and upsetting time. I felt so empty afterwards but pushed myself to carry on. When I think back to it now, I think I was too hard on myself and should have let myself heal, but I just wanted to feel better.
My second miscarriage happened in May 2020 during the Covid-19 pandemic. I was 10+2 and got up in the morning to discover I was bleeding heavily. It was a huge shock to discover I was miscarrying again. I went to the EPAU the following day but had to go alone due to the pandemic. I felt desperately sad that things weren’t working out again.
A lovely sonographer did my scan and confirmed that I had lost the baby. I tried to be brave and took away the leaflets once again. This time around I had decided to let everything happen naturally as I felt like the worst was probably over and I wanted to avoid having to stay in hospital. However, it was far from over and that evening I started bleeding heavily – soaking through pads within seconds.
I stood in the shower crying and wishing that things were different when I released that the shower tray was full of blood. I shouted my husband to help me and he was faced with a scary scene when he came upstairs. I had started to feel faint and was laying on the bathroom floor in a puddle of blood. Thankfully my husband acted quickly and called for an ambulance. After assessing me they advised that I needed to be taken to A&E as I had lost so much blood in such a short space of time.
I had to go on my own as there were restrictions on the number of people allowed in the hospital. Everything after that becomes a bit of a blur in my memory but I was given fluids on the way to the hospital. Once we got to A&E, I received a blood transfusion. In total I lost around 2 litres of blood and had to have emergency surgery to stop the bleeding. At the time I don’t really remember being very scared, but I think that was because I was feeling very poorly and fainting.
]The following morning when I woke up in the ward it all hit me, and I realised how lucky I had been to have received the urgent care I needed so quickly. I longed to have my husband with me and spent the morning proving to the nurses that I was well enough to be allowed home. I was very anaemic and was discharged with iron tablets and instructions to take things easy, which my husband ensured happened.
]It was really tough not being able to see our friends and family, as they had been such an incredible support after the first miscarriage, but I think the lockdown gave me time to fully recover physically as there wasn’t really anything else I could be doing. My husband and I spent quality time together as a family with our son and talked about what we wanted for the future.
I wish people understood more about miscarriage. I was completely clueless before it happened to me and I found it hard to explain to people how I felt. I had no idea there were so many options to manage a miscarriage and that experiences could be so different.
I hope other women are able to get the amount of support I was given after having my miscarriages, as I don’t think I would be able to cope otherwise. Having a miscarriage during a pandemic makes the experience so much harder and I did feel lonely and isolated at times. The most important thing is to make sure you talk to someone about how you’re feeling.