Julie talks about her experience of having two miscarriages within 6 months, one of which happened during the coronavirus pandemic. If you're looking for more information about the impact of coronavirus on your care please have a look at the link at the bottom of this page.
I felt so empty afterwards but pushed myself to carry on. When I think back to it now, I think I was too hard on myself and should have let myself heal, but I just wanted to feel better.
I had two miscarriages within six months. They were very different experiences, but just as heart breaking each time.
My first miscarriage was in November 2019, and I was 11+5. I had some light bleeding and was advised to attend the EPAU for a check-up. I remember feeling nervous, but everyone I had spoken to had been so reassuring that I still had a glimmer of hope that everything would be fine.
However, when I had a scan it was confirmed that I had experienced a missed miscarriage and the baby had died a few weeks previous. My husband and I were devastated and went home clutching a handful of leaflets in a bubble of grief. We spent a long time talking about my options and the following day agreed that it would be best to have the operation as we already had a 14-month-old and I just wanted to get back to “normal” again.
The surgery was arranged, and it was an anxious and upsetting time. I felt so empty afterwards but pushed myself to carry on. When I think back to it now, I think I was too hard on myself and should have let myself heal, but I just wanted to feel better.
My second miscarriage happened in May 2020 during the Covid-19 pandemic. I was 10+2 and got up in the morning to discover I was bleeding heavily. It was a huge shock to discover I was miscarrying again. I went to the EPAU the following day but had to go alone due to the pandemic. I felt desperately sad that things weren’t working out again.
A lovely sonographer did my scan and confirmed that I had lost the baby. I tried to be brave and took away the leaflets once again. This time around I had decided to let everything happen naturally as I felt like the worst was probably over and I wanted to avoid having to stay in hospital. However, it was far from over and that evening I started bleeding heavily – soaking through pads within seconds.
I stood in the shower crying and wishing that things were different when I released that the shower tray was full of blood. I shouted my husband to help me and he was faced with a scary scene when he came upstairs. I had started to feel faint and was laying on the bathroom floor in a puddle of blood. Thankfully my husband acted quickly and called for an ambulance. After assessing me they advised that I needed to be taken to A&E as I had lost so much blood in such a short space of time.
I had to go on my own as there were restrictions on the number of people allowed in the hospital. Everything after that becomes a bit of a blur in my memory but I was given fluids on the way to the hospital. Once we got to A&E, I received a blood transfusion. In total I lost around 2 litres of blood and had to have emergency surgery to stop the bleeding. At the time I don’t really remember being very scared, but I think that was because I was feeling very poorly and fainting.
The following morning when I woke up in the ward it all hit me, and I realised how lucky I had been to have received the urgent care I needed so quickly. I longed to have my husband with me and spent the morning proving to the nurses that I was well enough to be allowed home. I was very anaemic and was discharged with iron tablets and instructions to take things easy, which my husband ensured happened.
It was really tough not being able to see our friends and family, as they had been such an incredible support after the first miscarriage, but I think the lockdown gave me time to fully recover physically as there wasn’t really anything else I could be doing. My husband and I spent quality time together as a family with our son and talked about what we wanted for the future.
I wish people understood more about miscarriage. I was completely clueless before it happened to me and I found it hard to explain to people how I felt. I had no idea there were so many options to manage a miscarriage and that experiences could be so different.
I hope other women are able to get the amount of support I was given after having my miscarriages, as I don’t think I would be able to cope otherwise. Having a miscarriage during a pandemic makes the experience so much harder and I did feel lonely and isolated at times. The most important thing is to make sure you talk to someone about how you’re feeling.