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Two Lines

Two lines was all it took
Two lines, and I was hooked
Dreaming of socks, blankets and tiny hats
Browsing cots, prams and changing mats
Dreaming of how it would feel
To hold you in my arms
Watch all of my dreams become so real
The endless nights of tears and strain
And walks around the block come wind or rain
First Mother’s Day, Christmas, birthday
The cards that say “mum”
The first school play
The first sleepover
Those two lines are my four leaf clover
All of my hopes and dreams
Are coming true, or so it seems.

Thinking of names
Wondering about the colour of your eyes
All of the Sunday morning football games
The times I’ll watch you sleep and sigh
In you, my tiny best friend
My love for you, I’ll never pretend
The good, the bad, the ugly and the raw
I’ll show you things that I never saw
My love for you will outshine the sun
It’ll never stop until my life is done.

Those two lines aren’t all that they seem
Most nights I could just scream
Into my pillow and cry
You’ll never be in my arms
And I’ll never understand why
Is this my fault, is it the fault of someone else?
The pain stings, like it’s leaving welts
In my skin, in my heart, in my soul
This whole situation is out of my control
Every second of every day
Everyone tries but no one knows what to say
My two little lines, my baby, my life
My need to know you is ruling my life
What could have been
The things you should have seen
Your eyes, your hair
I’m gasping for air
I think of you always, and more at night
You’re not out of mind just because you’re out of sight
You will live on for as long as I live
I’m left with all this love to give
My womb is empty
My soul is empty
My heart is empty
Now I just have one line
My baby, you’ll always be mine
I’ll never know your name
And things will never be the same
But for as long as I walk the earth
It’ll break my heart that I never gave birth
To my firstborn baby
But one day, maybe
The pain will get a little less sharp
A little less dark.

You will always be my first
And this pain will always be the worst
I hope that you see
Wherever you are
Whoever you are
You belonged to me
You live in my heart
You live in my soul
I will speak your story to anyone who’ll listen
On early mornings I will think of you
On the grass as the dew glistens
On the breeze as it howls past my ears
In the fog as it lifts and clears
When the sun warms my skin
When on my face there is a grin
It will still be tainted by the need for you
Why you’re not here, I’ll never have a clue
But you will never be alone
With wings, to heaven you’ve flown
My angel baby
I’ll be with you one day maybe
And we’ll live our eternal life
In paradise, with no more strife
My baby you’ll stay
You won’t get old and grey
Like Peter Pan you’ll be forever young
The story of you will forever be on my tongue
I won’t let anyone forget you
My two little lines.

By Jade

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