It wasn’t meant to be

The seeds were sown and found their pew
Week by week, our cherished seeds grew

So much excitement filled the air
Hearts full of anticipation, to tell those who care

‘You’ll be grandparents’, we told our Mums and Dads
Tears of joy shared with no facades

Weeks go by, watching the baby apps
He’s the size of a peanut, then a strawberry… as time elapsed

Patience and patience coming up to week 12
We wrote to our baby, so chuffed with ourselves

We told him of all our Canada fun
And signed it off ‘love dad and mum’

Then the day approached, week 12 at last
The first 12 weeks was anything but fast

I can’t wait to see him, with arms and legs
A small heart beating, on hindsight… I beg

We walk expectantly into the room
I can’t wait to see him in my womb

The screen is large and black with no baby in sight
My breathing goes shallow and my chest feels tight

The midwife confirms there should be a baby
We both think there still could be… a ‘maybe’

I stop the tears from running down my face
Be strong for Charlie just in case

There’s no mistake, the baby had died
No heartbeat, he’s titchy, now I can cry

A million times I’ve cried
If our love could have saved him…he never would have died

I’m so sorry Charlie, I feel I’ve let you down
If I could change this now, I’d turn it around

Life’s so cruel, it wasn’t meant to be
But my heart is still full of love for you and me.

Catriona