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I thought it would be okay

Emma's poem of recurrent loss and a new way forward.

First time…

It’s common
Years ago people wouldn’t have known
Late period
Early tests now

Second time….

I’m sorry, your baby seems to be a little small
Surgical, medical or natural?
Just bad luck
More common than you think


A tiny heart beat, then the next week a new sonographer ‘how sure are you of your dates?’
Phew some help and testing now
No cause found
More likely to have a baby than not


Brief thoughts of a pram and a cot
Next day no line
Bam, all done


Here we go again
Don’t worry, brown blood is old blood
Try to relax
All gone within two weeks, no traces it ever happened on the screen


Groundhog Day,
Methotrexate this time
Crushing despair, I’ve failed again
Hope fading fast and feeling ashamed
Our hearts ache to be Mum and Dad


Two joyful scans and then silence and a gentle voice at the third
I can’t do this again
We’re not doing this again
Exhilarating relief and gut wrenching grief all at once

Adoption assessment…

Daring to hope
Intrusive questions week in week out
Cautiously looking at baby things online
We might be parents soon


You can also read Emma’s story here.

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