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Hope renewed

So two years later

And too much turmoil

Has been unable to spoil

The wonder of you

Our line of blue

As we walk blind

Into the future unwound

Our fears born out

And the rollercoaster starts out

Towards the dreaded

Date embedded

First scan

A 40 week plan

Impossible to ignore

Ripping at our core

So we pray

And delay

To be absolutely certain

That any final curtain

Will be for real

But the little blip reveals

A thousand tears

Un-realised fears

And options for weekly appointments

Weekly disappointments

That we could not survive

If he did not stay alive

So we move on into the New Year

And keep our hope near

That this time it is just routine

That this time it will be pristine

And we opt for the safest route

Our worries put on mute

C-section is chosen

The date is frozen

In time

Eight long weeks slip by

The inescapable date

Our unavoidable fate

Comes around

Our hearts pound

Time accelerates

Anticipates

Slips by

Hears our cries

And then

And then….

Out he comes

Our past undone

A piercing scream

His smile, a dream

My chest caves in

Four years of pain

Released

Ceased

And fate stands corrected

Three months later

Happiness sublime

A small taster, sublime

But my little boys

Our unrealised joys

Are not left unknown

Are not left alone

And I am still…

So sorry (and will never forget you)

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