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Happy 1st Birthday!

“Do you have children?” The question that hurts to my core.
If I answered truthfully, they wouldn’t want to hear more.
I live in a world were the grieving parents save others.
I belong to a statistic, the 1 in 4, the hurting mothers.
We find ourselves concealing our hurt, pain, and trauma.
No baby to prove it but forever feeling like a mama.
The others aren’t brave enough to hear our cries.
6 weeks, 12 weeks, 24 weeks, no matter the size.
Every story is so different, every story worth being told.
The main characters are the same, the babies we never hold.

From the day I found out that I had lost a part of me.
I was on the overwhelming journey of recovery.
I ask the others, take some time to consider this:
Missing something you have no memory of to miss.
Grieving for something you never got to touch.
Grieving for something you love so very much.
The love that we have for the babies we never met.
The love that we have, that others just don’t get.

“Feel whatever you’ve got to feel” a friend once said.
Some days were really hard, I hung on by a thread.
The days filled with anger, loss, sadness and tears.
Are a reminder of our strength to conquer our fears.
We can get through anything now. Because we know,
We’re the strong mothers, who said “bye” instead of “hello”.

I can’t even refer to my baby as a he or a she.
But one thing is for certain, they were a part of me.
So small, yet, so significant, my favourite part.
They made me a mum and forever filled my heart.

Today I think of my baby even more, today is May.
This month, I could’ve sung “Happy 1st Birthday!”

By Holl


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