After having a miscarriage, Dawn describes how it helped to find support from others who had been through pregnancy loss.
Bound together by loss. Helping each other get through the tough days.
When I miscarried in 2018, I already had an 18-month-old daughter. I remember her jumping on the bed, clueless, as my husband and I looked at the positive tests I’d taken. I started to lose the baby the very next day, a cruel irony after one night of joy, excitement and planning for the future. It completely broke me.
Our loss was relatively early at six weeks, but I’d never known a pain like it. A deep, wrenching, heartbreaking pain that took all my tears and energy. I was so lucky to be surrounded by our amazing family and friends, who just knew that all I needed was a hug, or a cup of tea, or just some silence with someone sat with me.
As time has passed the pain remains, but not so traumatic as it was at the time. So many people have come forward with stories of their own loss as I shared mine with them. It eases the feeling of heartache slightly. There is this unspoken bond between you all, as no-one truly understands your pain unless they have been there too. It gives you a new respect for each other and there’s this huge support network around you that you never knew was there before. Bound together by loss. Helping each other get through the tough days.
It’s manageable most days, as I get lost in day-to-day life which takes my mind off it. It still hits me at times though, and I am mess when it does.
I am so lucky that I have had two more children since my loss. Yet some days I sit watching them all and I ache. I ache for the other one that should be there. I feel like one is missing. On those days I just need a little cry or a cuddle. In my head I will always have four children, even though one never made it earthside.
It sounds so cliché, but talking really does help. Share how you feel. It will bring some relief from your emotions and give you a chance to talk about the life you created, no matter how short that life was.