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11½ Weeks

We were surprised, but delighted at the news we were expecting you.

Much quicker than we thought – given my age.

We watched with excitement as your bump grew, and I tried to eat well and keep fit, took my supplements to help nurture you.

We had our first midwife appointment, all seemed well, and we waited to meet you at 12 weeks.

We tried not to get too excited, but could not help dreaming of your cot, searching for your pram and nursery.

The first sign something was wrong was on the Sunday, sharp pains, some blood.

GP appointment followed, and then an early scan. We hoped, but inside I felt that all was not well.

Scan showed that you were only a tiny dot, not really developed at all, although cruelly your egg sack was large and working well.

We went home, devastated and were told to “let nature take its course”.

I had no idea what was to follow – the most terrifying, sad 24 hours of my life, with an emergency trip to hospital, signing your cremation form, and surgery.

Exhaustion and total numbness followed.

All our hopes and dreams for you were undone.

Now we have cried for you, said goodbye to you, lit candles and prayed for you – we are trying to move on.

You were not meant to be, but we will never forget you – now you are gone.

© Helen Gane 26/11/2012

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