Our helpline: 01924 200799 Mon-Fri, 9am-4pm

Josh’s story

Josh shares the emotions he felt when his fiancee experienced a miscarriage and how he's realised supporting her doesn't mean he has to be strong all the time.

I guess the message that I’m trying to get across is to the men out there with a wife/girlfriend/partner who has had a miscarriage, remember that there isn’t one big magic wand that can take all the bad away. The smaller things become so important at times like this. Tell her how beautiful she is, tell her how much you love her and hold her like you never have before when you get home from work.

I lost it whilst stood at the kitchen sink that day. Lost it like I had never lost it before and felt like my tears alone would have been enough to fill the washing up bowl.

My fiancée walked up to me, held me close and told me everything would be OK. We will try again. We will achieve our dream of having a family together one day.

At that moment, I felt like a complete failure. Surely I should be the one staying strong for her? After all, she is the one going through our loss both physically and emotionally!

But I couldn’t help it. I had spent the last month waking up every single morning, looking at the woman I love more than anything else in the world and feeling the most joy I had ever felt before, knowing that she was carrying my baby, and what an amazing mother she was going to be.

I was heartbroken that this had happened to us and just wished for a magic wand to take all our pain away.

Time is a great healer so they say. But time is no ally when in the moment you feel that the most cruel situation has fallen upon you both.

You can learn things pretty quickly in the face of adversity. After feeling like a failure, I soon realised that I didn’t have to stay strong all the time, just because some people may consider it to be the man’s ‘job’ in this horrible situation.

My fiancée is the strongest person I’ve ever met, and we will get through anything together, and most importantly, be happy again. Just don’t be afraid to let all the emotions out, because the real strain comes when they are bottled up.

I guess the message that I’m trying to get across is to the men out there with a wife/girlfriend/partner who has had a miscarriage, remember that there isn’t one big magic wand that can take all the bad away.

The smaller things become so important at times like this. Tell her how beautiful she is, tell her how much you love her and hold her like you never have before when you get home from work.

Cry if you need to, even in front of her. As long as you can look her in the eye, tell her that everything will be OK, and show her the love she deserves, you’re doing just fine.

You’ll get there together, just like my fiancée and I will. True love conquers all bad.

 

Tagged with