Trying again

People’s feelings vary after the experience of pregnancy loss. You may feel that you want to get pregnant again as quickly as possible, or you may feel apprehensive and anxious at the thought of another pregnancy. You and your partner may each have different feelings about trying again and that may need talking through.

When is the right time?

You may have received all sorts of advice about how long you should wait before trying again. Many doctors advise waiting until you have had at least one period after your miscarriage before trying again, as this makes it easier to calculate the dates in the next pregnancy.

This doesn’t mean that you are more likely to miscarry if you do conceive before then. There is even some evidence that conceiving in the first six months after a miscarriage actually lowers your risk of miscarriage next time. [1] In most cases, you and your partner are the best judges of when to try again.

However, there are some circumstances, such as after a molar pregnancy or ectopic pregnancy, or if you are coping with an illness or infection, when you will be advised to wait longer.

If you have had a late miscarriage or repeated losses, you may want to talk to your GP or specialist before trying to conceive. If you are having investigations, you may be advised to wait until those are complete before trying again.  And you might want to make sure that you are feeling recovered physically and emotionally before embarking on another pregnancy.

Pregnancy after miscarriage, ectopic or molar pregnancy can be a very anxious time.  You may feel that you need regular scanning just to check that things are all right, or you may find that too stressful.

We talk a lot about both the feelings and the facts of trying again in our leaflet Thinking about another pregnancy and you may also find it helpful to use our forum, which has a special section on pregnancy after loss.

Some people find it helpful and encouraging to read stories from others who have had a healthy pregnancy after losses. A story of hope is one such account. Others find it unhelpful or even hurtful to think of people having a baby and some of them may also be upset by comments like “Never give up”.  Everyone is different and there are no rights or wrongs.

When the trying stops

For some women and their partners, there comes a time when they begin to think about stopping their attempts to have a baby.  This can be difficult enough for couples who already have a child or children and are very much wanting to complete their family.  But it can be an especially difficult and painful decision for those who are childless.

There are all sorts of reasons that people consider stopping trying:

  • repeated losses
  • fertility problems
  • advancing maternal age along with its associated health problems
  • social, financial or relationship issues.

Making the decision to stop trying is usually a process, and you may make it and unmake it more than once.  It means facing a different kind of future from the one you were planning, whether that means remaining childless or moving towards adoption or somewhere in between.

You may find it helpful to read our leaflet When the trying stops and perhaps to use our forum to share your thoughts and feelings with others in a similar situation. The organisation More To Life is another source of support and friendship for people who are involuntarily childless.

Leaflets

We have a range of leaflets that talk about the facts and feelings of miscarriage, ectopic and molar pregnancy.  They are all available to download from this website.

Reflections

Click here to read personal stories and poems from others who have lost a baby in pregnancy.

[1] Love E, Bhattacharya S, Smith NC, Bhattacharya S.  Effect of interpregnancy interval on outcomes of pregnancy after miscarriage: retrospective analysis of hospital episode statistics in Scotland BMJ 2010; 341:c3967