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The online correspondence below is copied, with permission, from one of the forum boards: ‘Empty Arms’. We have changed the names to protect confidentiality.

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Can’t shake the negativity

Tracie: Hi all.  I have had three miscarriages, all at 7 weeks 3 days. Having seen a specialist, I have been told I am very healthy and just to keep trying till one sticks (nicely put by the doctor I thought). I’m 5 weeks pregnant now and really scared!

I can’t seem to shake the 100% feeling that it will happen again, in exactly the same way as the other three, unless something changes. I have tried hard to think positive thoughts, but the feeling that this is not going to happen feels so real and so painful. It doesn’t help that everyone around us, who married after us seems to be sailing through life, most on to their seconds. I always wanted to be a mum, career was always a second and feeling at a loss at the idea that my simple goal in life will not happen.


Gill:  I struggle also, sometimes I can feel amazingly positive, but it can easily shoot right back down 🙁  It’s very hard.  Sending hugs xx


Tania:  Hi, I’m so sorry to hear about your losses, you have gone through such dreadful times. I just wanted to give you a little ray of hope for the future – I’ve had 4 miscarriage (3 of them last year), with a cause only found for one of them (extra chromosome 4). However, I do have a 3 year old little boy and am currently pregnant again (22 weeks, which is much further than I got with previous miscarriages that happened between 5 to 11 weeks). So even if they haven’t found a cause, your doctor might be right to say that you need a bit of luck on your side and then hopefully next time you will be ok and have a successful pregnancy – you really deserve a happy outcome xx


Catherine:  Sorry to hear about your loss. I struggle with that too every day, I suppose.  But I guess all we can do is take each day as it comes, and hopefully it will get better. Lots of love and hugs.


Tracie:  Thanks ladies, I’m doing better now, less angry and overwhelmed. Trying to have positive thoughts and think of all the good things I have in my life. I don’t know if anyone else has felt this.  I am struggling to be alone at the moment.  If I have time to think, I get myself in a state. But equally I seem to be craving being alone because I feel so tired of being ‘fine’ all the time. Tania, thank for your positive story. Hopefully our luck will change.


Gill:  Yes being left to my own devices can lead to me bawling my eyes out 8 times out of 10, but I try not to wind myself up if that makes sense ? xx


Jen:  Aaaah – first time I’ve posted on any forum anytime, anywhere! But I just had to respond. I’ve been reading lots of posts on this site for the past four weeks since my miscarriage at 9 weeks (first pregnancy). The forum has brought me much comfort that I’m not the only one feeling this way. Things that you all have been saying really ring true to me.

I can’t fault my friends and family for all their support – everyone really ‘rallied’ round, and I was offered lots of shoulders to cry on. However, even though I know people haven’t forgotten, it just seems that everyone naturally expects me to be the loud, funny and bubbly person I am usually, and I can’t help but ‘play up’ to the role most of the time. It’s only when I’m at home, on my own or just me and my (amazing) husband that I feel I can stop the acting, and be the sad person I really am. I just think about what I’ve lost.

This was my first pregnancy and we were lucky and conceived after only two months of trying, and I’m only 29, and so everyone just keeps saying ‘it wasn’t meant to be’ and ‘you can try again’ – I know they are right. But nevertheless, I’m sad for the loss of THIS baby and the person it would have been. I feel so sad.

Thanks for sharing your stories – it’s helped to realise my feelings are normal.