Support ahead of Father’s Day: You are not alone

For those affected by miscarriage, ectopic or molar pregnancy, days like Father’s Day can be really difficult. Sometimes, dads feel they can’t fully express their feelings, or feel overlooked by loved ones, and this can result in loneliness that can be hard to break through.  

We’re here to help you navigate this difficult day and provide resources and guidance to give you some comfort and support.  

Advice from other bereaved dads 

It can be a heavy and difficult day, but you are not going through this alone. Below, our community has provided some suggestions as to how you can get through the difficult days: 

“I have finally realised that talking helps! … It is good to talk and be open and share your experience even with a stranger…trust me I know.” 

“I guess the message that I’m trying to get across is to the men out there with a wife/girlfriend/partner who has had a miscarriage, remember that there isn’t one big magic wand that can take all the bad away. The smaller things become so important at times like this. Tell her how beautiful she is, tell her how much you love her and hold her like you never have before when you get home from work.” 

“One thing I have learned is that so many people go through what Jen and I went through, and through talking to people we have found it much easier to come to terms with and this is something I will take away with me for the rest of my life.” 

“Key to getting over those first few days was talking with my wife, being open and honest about our feelings. We’d said from the start of our pregnancy journey that we were in this together – whatever the outcome, baby or not…” 

Your feelings 

The feelings you’re going through on days like these can be hard to process and communicate, and this can be a hard thing to work through. 

Psychotherapist Julia Bueno, says, “Partners will be going through their own process, which may well be intense grief or shock or even regret or guilt at not being able to help more. It’s usual for a partner to feel protective and to want to support you through everything you and your body has been through, which may mean they hold back from ‘burdening’ you with their own feelings.  

“Many couples end up misunderstanding each other – try and be as honest and open as possible with each other as often as you can – especially as feelings do and will change over time. This may even mean making an extra effort to talk, such as setting a specific time each day. 

You can read more of Julia’s advice around looking after your mental health after pregnancy loss here. 

Gentle reminders ahead of Father’s Day 

• There is no right or wrong way to feel on days like these – be kind to yourself. 

• Some partners feel they can’t express their emotions as they didn’t experience the physical loss – please know your emotions and grief are valid.  

• If you want to, please talk to someone about how you feel – a friend, loved one, or support service like ours.  

• If you have a child to mark Father’s Day with, it’s okay to also be grieving a little life gone too soon. 

• However you’re feeling, you’re not alone.  

Comfort in community: Stories from other bereaved dads 

We know that reading experiences from others who have been through something similar can be really cathartic.  

If you would like to read through some of the personal stories on our website written by dads and partners, you can view these here. 

“Everyone we know was supportive, but I was struggling to cope… My brother-in-law sent me a text asking how I was coping, and it was as if a weight had been lifted. People naturally support the mother of the child, but few had specifically remembered that I’d lost a child as well.” 

Supporting someone you know this Father’s Day 

It can be hard to know what to say to someone who has been affected by pregnancy loss, and this can be made more difficult ahead of days that can be triggering, like Father’s Day. Sometimes, the smallest of gestures can make a big difference.  

Below, we’ve put together some suggestions, and some quotes from what support has been helpful for others in a similar position: 

• In the lead up to the day, and perhaps the day itself, check in in a small way – drop by, send a text or whatever feels right for your relationship/friendship 

• Offer a space to talk, whether that be a cup of tea and a chat, or a phone call. Knowing you’re there will make a big difference  

• Allow them space if they need it. Some people find they need to take a step back and focus on themselves and their families at times like these.  

“When I went back to work, I still remember people who said, ‘I’m sorry, it must be awful are you okay?’ That is all people need to say.” 

Finding a purpose 

Some people find it helpful to channel the emotions that come with pregnancy loss into making a difference.  

If you would like to fundraise in memory of the little lives lost too soon, you can find our fundraising opportunities here – skydives, Tough Mudders, baking, quiz nights – there’s something for everyone.  

By taking part, you’ll be helping us be there for more people affected by pregnancy loss, when they need it most. 

We’re here for you 

If you’re a dad struggling after pregnancy loss, and would like some support or further information, our support team are here for you. 

You can get in touch with us by calling 01924 200799, emailing info@miscarriageassociation.org.uk or by starting a live chat via our website. 

Our helpline and support services listed above won’t be open on Father’s Day itself, but you can find support via our Instagram posts, private Facebook groups, and our Partners Too leaflet.