Our Story

I was 23 and my husband was 26 when we had reached the point in our lives when we wanted to start a family. We had been married the ‘standard two years’ and now thought it would be nice to have children. We were young and healthy and the thought of miscarriage never crossed our minds. Yes, I had heard of people who had had miscarriages but didn’t that happen to people who tried to have children when they were older?

Within a few months of trying, in February 1998 we found ourselves pregnant. I didn’t think anything of the fact that I couldn’t get a positive pregnancy test. My period was three weeks late so in the end I had a hospital test, which confirmed the pregnancy. (I guess, looking back, the hCG levels were low). We were just thrilled to be pregnant.

When I had a bit of spotting, although slightly concerned, I still never thought there would be a problem. At ten weeks I even had the symptoms of a missed miscarriage (brown discharge) but I still never thought MY baby would die. So when we went for the scan at twelve weeks I was looking forward to seeing my baby.

As I had never had a scan before, I was not concerned that the lady conducting the scan was taking a long time and not talking to us. And when she asked me to verify my dates, it still didn’t click that there was a problem. Then after her colleague also scanned me, we were informed that our baby had died at seven and a half weeks. I had had a missed miscarriage. We were very upset and the next day I was admitted for an ERPC.

In the hospital I was informed that miscarriage was very common and that we should try again. So after recovering from the operation, we started trying again. It wasn’t long before I was pregnant. This time with my ‘clear blue line’ we felt all would go well. I felt sick and we even had an early scan at eight and a half weeks, when we saw the baby, and the heart beating.

When we went for the scan at twelve weeks we were devastated and shocked to learn this baby had died too. The lady doing the scan asked me “Are you sure you haven’t had any pain or bleeding?” We just knew then what was going to happen next. We couldn’t believe it – I had had no signs that this pregnancy had ended. They informed us the baby had died at nine and a half weeks. I could not face going home, so was admitted that day to have another ERPC.

Now we began to suspect that there might be a problem. I started to read up about miscarriage. In fact I read everything I could get my hands on. It was at this point that I became a member of The Miscarriage Association. After reading up about miscarriage and its causes I decided that my miscarriages were not sporadic, but that there was an underlying cause. Of course I couldn’t be sure of this but I wanted some tests, I wanted people to listen to me. I had lost two babies!

I spoke to my doctors but they would not help me. I contacted Professor Regan’s clinic and they told me to get a referral from my GP. I spoke to my doctors again – but they still would not refer me. I was desperate – but no one would help.

It took a lot of courage to try for another baby, but in Dec 1999 we found ourselves pregnant for the third time. With a faint blue line we were not optimistic that this time all would be well. At six and a half weeks I started to bleed. It was confirmed the next day that this pregnancy too had been lost.

Although obviously devastated, this time I was thankful that we had not gone all the way to twelve weeks to receive the same news, and I now knew that we ‘qualified’ for investigations into the miscarriages. We quickly were referred to our local hospital where they conducted lots of tests. I had scans of my uterus and numerous blood tests to ascertain whether there was a problem. I knew that only 50% of couples found an answer to why they were miscarrying. And although I knew it was better if you didn’t find a reason, I was hopeful that these tests would show why my babies had died.

All the tests bar one came back and all were negative. We were told by our consultant to start trying again as the only test outstanding was the chromosome test. Only 5% of recurrent miscarriages are due to a chromosome problem so it was highly unlikely that that was where the problem lay. So when I went back to get the chromosome results I was devastated to find out that my husband’s results were normal but mine were not!

My consultant informed me that I only had 45 chromosomes instead of the normal 46. I have a Robertsonian Translocation on my 13th and 14th chromosomes which, to the layman, means I have one chromosome missing as my 13th and 14th chromosomes are stuck together. At this appointment I was informed it was still possible for us to have children but I would have to speak to a geneticist to discuss the implications. I walked out of that appointment absolutely devastated. I couldn’t believe this was happening to us. There was no history (as far as I knew) of a genetic problem in my family. I felt awful that it was my fault I could not provide my husband with a child.

After that appointment I did as much research as I possibly could on the Internet to understand all about my specific translocation. I discovered that with each pregnancy I would have a 50% risk of miscarriage. There was also a risk that I could carry a child to term with trisomy 13 (Patau syndrome).

After much thought, we decided that the risks were too great and that we would like to adopt. We contacted a number of adoption agencies and in August 2000 started the adoption process. All was going well and we were due to start our home study when, in February 2001, I found I was pregnant. We couldn’t believe it. We had not been trying. We were very concerned and felt that this pregnancy also would end in miscarriage and now the adoption would have to be put on hold.

We had an early scan and all was well. However, having been there before I still was not convinced that all would end well. So when we went for the scan at twelve weeks, we were thrilled to see our baby growing and with no signs of any problems. However I continued to worry until the twenty-week scan – which again showed our baby to be fine and well. Even in labour I continued to worry about the health of our baby.

Finally at 22.36 on the 6th of November 2001, I held my baby boy Nathanael in my arms. We named him Nathanael as it means a gift from God. And we truly believe he was! And still is! We were overjoyed at last to hold our baby in our arms.

We had always wanted a big family, so when Nathanael was nearly a year old, we decided to try again. In November 2002 we found ourselves pregnant again. An early scan confirmed all was well and the twelve and twenty week scans also showed a healthy growing baby. Elliot was born in June 2003.

We are so thankful to God for our boys, but we will never forget our three lost babies.

We believe there is a reason for everything. We may not understand why some things happen but we believe God has His plan. This is what has kept us going even though at times we have felt very sad.

We have recently had the privilege of sharing our story on BBC Television News and on GMTV, as I am a media contact for The M.A.. It would be nice to think that by doing so, our story could perhaps bring some hope to those suffering miscarriage.

Nikki Zapico